I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
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Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
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They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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