I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
