he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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