omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
