Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
