I accidentally had phone sex last night
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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