You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I have tasted many bathrooms