Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.