im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero