so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE