There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.