Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
