could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
