i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
