i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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