Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
