I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I need to sanitize my soul.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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