Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
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I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
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We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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