sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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