U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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