You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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