Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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