I can text with my tongue
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
