The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
