Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
