If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
