Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
