4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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