They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
