trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
