you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
