You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
