No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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