I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
