There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
