Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
