I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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