Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
