Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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