I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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