he told me I talked like a deaf person
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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