I wish my penis had an off switch
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
