i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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