ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
worst night to have a conscience
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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