i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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