i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
