please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I had to cum in my sink.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
