I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
