Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
