your room smells of hookers.
And success
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
