Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You ate ashes out of my bong
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize