I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
