On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
