can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
