I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
