dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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