I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
