Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
