So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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