so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
