omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
