It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
