u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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