Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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