I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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