She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
