you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm just crazy horny about you
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
