so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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