I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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