everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
