She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
