sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
