What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
