just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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