I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
