So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
