Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
